What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:10
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Chesterfield man reverses diabetes after losing seven stone - BBC
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Were any US Generals hurt or killed yesterday in Damascus, Syria, yesterday 5/9/24?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He knew the spot.
Im still living with it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
While emptying a house, have you ever seen something in it that blew your mind?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
What are the challenges associated with the birth narratives of Jesus?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What is the dirtiest city in India?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Should we consider deporting democrats to Canada?
All the time i was locked up.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My family never makes their pension either.
Have you ever regretted not hitting on a older women?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why did we evolve to have so many nerve endings in our anuses?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Who then, do I blame.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was scared of men, in general
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She married twice! .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She wouldn,t have been !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why did i forgive my father ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She loved him until the end.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were not on the streets..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Ive learnt so much.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
(And it was in our own minds.)
I waited trembling.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it wasn’t much.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So whats the point in blame.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Comes on , in middle age.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I will be 64.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I said to her
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i lived it daily.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Would this be the day?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was 9 years of age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was very sick at this time too.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
This is soul school!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My life is so biszare .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What did i know ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He resisted the act ,that day.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was in good health!
She found it foreign!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So, i spoilt her more .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One cannot live in the past .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I think the readers, may guess!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We all went to grammer schools
I write beautiful poetry .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I don,t even have a pension.
When she asked me how she looked .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Put me off passion for life!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.